I have read, and reread, and edited this post many times over the past three days. I have been terrified to publish it. I am worried how I will appear and how it may affect my family. But this blog has always been a part of my therapy, my healing. And I feel it is crucial to the changing landscape of women’s rights that this story be told.
I was sexually assaulted. Three days ago, a man who I barely knew, grabbed and squeezed my breast. We were in a large group, at a work function, and there were multiple witnesses. And he thought this was ok.
It was not ok. I keep going back over the events in my mind. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. All of my supporters are telling me I shouldn’t feel that way. But yesterday I had trouble looking co-workers in the eye, and left my office in tears.
On the way home that evening, I cried. I cried and I talked to my sweet angel in Heaven. I asked him for the strength to do what’s right. Not today, not ever, will I let myself be the victim.
I have worked so hard in the past three years to be a productive member of society after losing my beautiful, young son.
There were days shortly following his loss that I could not enter a store, face a clerk, make a purchase, without someone with me. I was paralyzed by grief.
Yesterday, I felt paralyzed. I felt as though I had taken three steps backward. This act, this violation of my privacy, my body, my confidence, left me with doubts, and fears, and sadness.
There is so much sadness in grief. I am learning that this sadness is amplified by triggers. This assault has triggered my deepest sadness, and that is not ok.
I know I am strong, I am a fighter, I am a survivor. I will work through this and I will come out better on the other side.
But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened. And it is a reprehensible, indefensible crime. A crime that should never be condoned, or ignored, or accepted.
So, again I will fight. Fight for my rights, fight for my sanity, and fight for justice.
I have survived the greatest loss. I can certainly survive this. But it is absolutely absurd that in this age I should have to.