The will

Does anybody understand the will to live after losing a child? I'm guessing, no, unless you're like me. It would be so much easier to let go. It would be heavenly, to say goodbye to Earth, just to be with my angel in Heaven. I would do anything, anything, to be with him again. My … Continue reading The will

Choices

I remember taking a class many years ago when our angel in Heaven was becoming a toddler. After ten months in the NICU following his birth, he was developmentally still an infant. When we were finally able to bring him home, he couldn't yet roll over, he certainly wasn't crawling, and we worked with OT … Continue reading Choices

Relatable themes

I had the opportunity to go see the play Dear Evan Hansen last week with a friend. She has season tickets to our city theater and I had given her our season tickets for a football game, so it worked out well. The experience was a great trade for many reasons. I never go to … Continue reading Relatable themes

My lyrics

I heard Taylor Swift's Soon You'll Get Better today. Yes, there were a lot of tears. Her mom battled cancer and won. I thought, if I had written and recorded a song, would my angel have lived? That's one of the toughest parts of grieving. Worrying you didn't do enough. Maybe he could have been … Continue reading My lyrics

Letter to an old friend

Dear friend, We haven't spoken since the day I saw you at my son's funeral. I lost him, and I lost you. I miss you both. While I have thought about reaching out since that day, I know that it's better I don't. I am not entirely sure what I would say, but I can … Continue reading Letter to an old friend

Feeling death

Just before my angel went to Heaven, I lost my aunt suddenly. She was in her late fifties, caring for an elderly woman as her full-time job, and had no history of any serious illness other than a gluten sensitivity. When she died, I was terribly sad. It was a huge loss for me, and … Continue reading Feeling death

The parenting conundrum

Often on my drive home from work I have conversations with myself. Sometimes, I literally talk to myself out loud. Myself and I discuss they day's events, ponder the meaning of life, and compliment one another on the superb job we are doing at surviving. Other times, I speak, answering questions as if I am … Continue reading The parenting conundrum

Song of the day: 8.19.19

https://youtu.be/BzbxacRr5Gk Hey look ma, I made it Everything's comin' up aces, aces If it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me I said hey look ma, I made it - Panic at the discoAs a mother grieving her son in Heaven, there are days, most days, where I want to get up and scream, … Continue reading Song of the day: 8.19.19

A sweet send off

Hi, Baby. Mommy hears you. -- Our youngest dog, age thirteen, passed away just before the Fourth of July. She was a warrior just like our angel. My angel on Earth said it best. ‘Mommy, my brother will have his puppy in Heaven.’ We were getting ready for our annual beach vacation. I had gathered … Continue reading A sweet send off

Change in routine

One of the many things I have learned since adopting a child from foster care is that change of any kind can often be a trigger and cause emotional turmoil. Our sweet angel on Earth finished his last year of preschool and quickly adjusted to the summer life of part time daycare and part time … Continue reading Change in routine