I will readily admit I am not the most self-motivated individual, especially in regards to fitness. I was an active kid, involved in every sport I could try, and played competitively through college.

But as an adult, fifteen years, four abdominal surgeries and about twenty pounds later, activity is a little tougher than it used to be. And not having the encouragement of teammates, or the instruction of a coach, makes exercising even less alluring.

But a couple months back, my husband and I ran a 5K. I managed to ‘run’ the entire time. I wasn’t fast, but I maintained a jogging pace and proved that still, at 36, I can make it three miles without losing my lunch or keeling over.

After the 5K I took a little break. Ok, I stopped, period. No running, no walking, no exercising at all. I figured I had met my goal, I could ride out the glory for a little while and go back to focusing on my new normal…and my grief.

But recently I started getting headaches, severe migraines. I’ve had them before, but lately I can’t seem to shake them. They plague me weekly and are affecting my work, my mood, my life.

My doctor recommended regular exercise. Of course, because that is the cure to all ills! But I did take his advice. And while I do feel better, and my headaches have lessened, I’ve found something so much more valuable in my new fitness routine.

After work each evening, I go for a brisk walk. Some nights I even jog a little, but I spend an hour outside, getting my heart rate up, clearing my head, and moving my body.

And the only thing I think about is my baby. Maybe it’s because I’m out in nature and just a little bit closer to his spirit. Maybe it’s because my mind is a little more empty while my body works a little harder physically and my thoughts default to their purest form. Maybe it’s because it’s the first chance I have to not think about the responsibilities of everyday life and can remember the sweet child I miss so much.

But how I treasure those thoughts, that time with my mind, that closeness with my baby’s spirit.

Baby, who knew a little bit of exercise could get me close to you?