My sweet Lady

Coming home today, even though she'd been too tired to get up and greet me for many months, I still expected to hear her, or see her, as I ascended the stairs. But, as I've learned from losses past, I had to remove the triggers. As soon as I arrived home from our last moments … Continue reading My sweet Lady

Choices

I remember taking a class many years ago when our angel in Heaven was becoming a toddler. After ten months in the NICU following his birth, he was developmentally still an infant. When we were finally able to bring him home, he couldn't yet roll over, he certainly wasn't crawling, and we worked with OT … Continue reading Choices

Letter to an old friend

Dear friend, We haven't spoken since the day I saw you at my son's funeral. I lost him, and I lost you. I miss you both. While I have thought about reaching out since that day, I know that it's better I don't. I am not entirely sure what I would say, but I can … Continue reading Letter to an old friend

Feeling death

Just before my angel went to Heaven, I lost my aunt suddenly. She was in her late fifties, caring for an elderly woman as her full-time job, and had no history of any serious illness other than a gluten sensitivity. When she died, I was terribly sad. It was a huge loss for me, and … Continue reading Feeling death

The parenting conundrum

Often on my drive home from work I have conversations with myself. Sometimes, I literally talk to myself out loud. Myself and I discuss they day's events, ponder the meaning of life, and compliment one another on the superb job we are doing at surviving. Other times, I speak, answering questions as if I am … Continue reading The parenting conundrum

Change in routine

One of the many things I have learned since adopting a child from foster care is that change of any kind can often be a trigger and cause emotional turmoil. Our sweet angel on Earth finished his last year of preschool and quickly adjusted to the summer life of part time daycare and part time … Continue reading Change in routine

He’s everywhere

I finally got my little angel on Earth back after his week-long trip with Daddy. They got home Friday afternoon and he was pretty much a mess of tears all evening. He was tired, and transitions are always tough for him, so early to bed it was. Saturday morning we woke up early and typically … Continue reading He’s everywhere

Loneliness and motherhood

I had a very memorable and beautiful Mother's Day. And while there is always a sense of something missing, I felt truly celebrated and loved by both my husband and sweet angel on Earth. My boys left this week for a visit with the grandparents. I felt guilty about how excited I was to have … Continue reading Loneliness and motherhood

Mother’s Day

This particular day has been bittersweet since our beautiful angel went to Heaven. Especially the first, that landed just two months after we lost him. I was childless, but a mother no less. My girlfriends took the opportunity to make a really tough day special, and have continued to do so every one since. My … Continue reading Mother’s Day

The soul’s journey

I had a thought today and instantly felt more connected to my angel in Heaven. I was driving home from work and looked up in awe at an impending storm cloud approaching. Whenever I look to the sky, I think of Heaven and what my sweet baby is doing right in that moment. That enormous … Continue reading The soul’s journey