Loss and boundaries

I have walls that protect me inside my home. I have skin that protects the systems that keep my body operating. And I have boundaries to protect my heart from pain, hurt, and disappointment. I’ve gotten better at communicating my boundaries, and caring less about how others feel about them. I’m fragile. I lost my … Continue reading Loss and boundaries

Space

After nearly six months, we are still in quarantine. We are working from home, going to school virtually, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I walked into a restaurant. We are isolated, and alone. But, I am never alone. My son, and my dog, and my husband, are always here. We are all, … Continue reading Space

So much to learn

I was in a situation recently and my family was all together respectively discussing some controversial issues about the state of the world. My niece, who is 16 and incredibly driven, extremely smart, and outwardly confident, offered some opinions. At one point I looked at her and said, ‘You’re 16. You don’t know anything yet.’ … Continue reading So much to learn

The madness of this pandemic

I hit a low today. And those who know me, and have known me for years, understand that my lows are really low. It’s not an ‘I need to cry it out in my bedroom’ kind of low. It’s an ‘I need to find the closest and highest bridge’ kind of low. Even before I … Continue reading The madness of this pandemic

My only child

My son is an only child. He has a brother in Heaven who he never met. Today, after spending the morning with Grammy and Grampy, he insisted on playing ‘the floor is lava’ in our basement. We gathered yoga mats and pillows, the dog bed, a blanket, and a stool. We had to stand on … Continue reading My only child

Taking a breath

We are living in a scary world, an uncertain time, an unbelievable crisis. We are doing our best to model behavior for our children. We are attempting to stay sane while waking each day to unanswered questions and a rising threat. I've spoken with friends about how they are handling working, teaching, parenting, marriage, and … Continue reading Taking a breath

My fear

In this current environment, with an under-researched threat of disease, an ill-prepared government, and an unknown global impact, I can't help thinking about death itself. Truly, during the year of 2015 with a series of very tragic family losses, including my son's, I viewed death in a very new way. I started to embrace the … Continue reading My fear

The roles we play

I have become my child’s best friend. I have become my husband’s true partner. And they have become mine. As a family, we are cooperating and really trying to just enjoy each other. Arguments have been paused and personality conflicts overlooked. My angel in Heaven has become the subject of my dreams and my resource … Continue reading The roles we play

Sameness in loss

I am blessed to have really good friends. Many of us have known each other since childhood, and we all had our children around the same time. There are a lot of similarities among us--how we parent, how we see the world, qualities we appreciate in our spouses. But there is one thing that separates … Continue reading Sameness in loss

Approaching the big 4-0

I feel like I have been 'over the hill' since about age 25. My journey through the decades has been arduous, exciting, and exhausting. As I come closer and closer to my next decade of life, I realize how much I change with every decade that passes. In my first decade as a person, I … Continue reading Approaching the big 4-0