The question

I have been in a lot of hospitals. Between my organ transplant and birthing a child at 24 weeks who was later diagnosed with cancer, we were admitted to hospitals many, many times There are always questions at registration. Whether you've been there several times and they have your entire medical history on the screen … Continue reading The question

Choices

I remember taking a class many years ago when our angel in Heaven was becoming a toddler. After ten months in the NICU following his birth, he was developmentally still an infant. When we were finally able to bring him home, he couldn't yet roll over, he certainly wasn't crawling, and we worked with OT … Continue reading Choices

My lyrics

I heard Taylor Swift's Soon You'll Get Better today. Yes, there were a lot of tears. Her mom battled cancer and won. I thought, if I had written and recorded a song, would my angel have lived? That's one of the toughest parts of grieving. Worrying you didn't do enough. Maybe he could have been … Continue reading My lyrics

My husband

'Thank you for saving our son's life tonight,' I thought to myself. 'I'm sorry I couldn't save his brother.' I had wished I could say those words out loud to my husband tonight. In the quickest and swiftest of moments, as I leaned over to scoop food into the dog bowl, I looked up to … Continue reading My husband

I wonder

I wonder if there will ever be a day where I feel 'normal.' Right, relative term. But I mean in the sense that I don't constantly feel the heavy burden of grief dragging at every part of my body, willing me to want sleep over any other state. I've had plenty of 'good' days. But … Continue reading I wonder

I get it

In the midst of my painful week of grieving, I found someone with a similar story, but very different outcome. I read an article today about Michael Bublé and his 'comeback' to the music industry after his three-year-old son's battle with a liver cancer, hepatoblastoma. This is the same cancer my angel had. And he was also three … Continue reading I get it

‘You’re a mom. You know.’

I just finished reading a very powerful article about the bonds of motherhood. The article describes a mother, who visits a friend who has just lost her 21-month-old daughter. She has no words. As her friend is describing her heartbreak, she says, "You're a mom. You know." The Most Powerful Thing You Can Say to … Continue reading ‘You’re a mom. You know.’

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

I received an invitation to a benefit, and the text revealed that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I started searching online for information and was taken to these shocking statistics. One fourth of 15,780 children diagnosed with cancer - that's 3,945 - will not survive. I remember very vividly, after a few hours of … Continue reading Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Why I’m #1

Child loss teaches invaluable lessons. Some seem obvious, like 'don't take anything for granted,' because you don't know how long you may have it. But there's an important lesson I continue to learn after caring for a terminally I'll child who I now parent in Heaven. And that is that I have to respect, admire, … Continue reading Why I’m #1

Sharing angels

I forwarded a little story with my coworkers over email today about some volunteer work my team did at the Ronald McDonald House a couple weeks ago. There were six of us who went and were able to clean six guest rooms in a couple hours. I shared with the other employees across the country … Continue reading Sharing angels