Finding ways to be grateful

Sometimes, as a loss parent, it's easy to concentrate on the tragedy, on what we've lost, on life's difficulties. I feel grateful often. Because one way that child loss changes people is it often makes you appreciate what you do have. And I have a lot. A husband who I love and cherish, an extended … Continue reading Finding ways to be grateful

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Magical Christmas

This is the fourth Christmas we have celebrated with our angel in Heaven. It will be the third we are celebrating with our angel on Earth. It is the very first Christmas where we have a child who is cognizant of Santa, terribly excited for him to visit, planning what kind and where the cookies … Continue reading Magical Christmas

My two miracles

It has been a tough two weeks. After my #metoo incident, I have had to do a lot of work to be ok. It makes me angry how much is has affected me, my relationships, my thought process, and my work. But I am getting through it and I know eventually, I will be fine. … Continue reading My two miracles

It is never acceptable

I have read, and reread, and edited this post many times over the past three days. I have been terrified to publish it. I am worried how I will appear and how it may affect my family. But this blog has always been a part of my therapy, my healing. And I feel it is … Continue reading It is never acceptable

A connection

There is a new department at my office, full of young faces with big dreams. All of the new hires are several years younger than me - most just out of school and working their first professional role. I was in today, on a Saturday, which is not typical. The two gentlemen who work with … Continue reading A connection

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

I received an invitation to a benefit, and the text revealed that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I started searching online for information and was taken to these shocking statistics. One fourth of 15,780 children diagnosed with cancer - that's 3,945 - will not survive. I remember very vividly, after a few hours of … Continue reading Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Security

As I'm writing this, I can see my angel on Earth, his sleepy eyes fading as his head lies at the foot of his bed. He peers through the tiny opening of his bedroom door. I put him to bed with his two books after a night with a babysitter because I had a PTA … Continue reading Security

Polishing the past

I've written about my necklace before. It was a gift from my 'minions.' My girlfriends who cheered me through my son's chemotherapy. Who set up his service perfectly. Who cried with me. Who send me notes of how they, and their children, remember him, regularly. My girls, my squad, my people. I couldn't survive this … Continue reading Polishing the past

Appreciation

We just got back from our annual beach vacation. A vacation my husband's family has been taking for nearly four decades. A vacation that holds nostalgia of carefree childhood memories and stories I've now heard every summer for the twelve years I've been invited. A vacation we missed one year when our sweet angel spent … Continue reading Appreciation

My rainbow baby

This term, defined in loss-parenting circles, as the child you conceive and deliver after pregnancy loss, still birth, or child loss. The 'rainbow babies' are our glimmer of hope, the reward for our trauma, the reason to keep trying and keep hoping. I was never going to have a rainbow baby. Soon after our son … Continue reading My rainbow baby