On This Day

Today is the day we lost you.

I’m choosing not to think of those last moments because they don’t serve me anymore. Instead, I’ll fall asleep with intention, knowing I will feel you in my dreams.

I’ve worked very hard to be where I am. In years past, I haven’t left my bed on this day. I spend the day crying. I don’t see or speak to anyone.

But this year is different. This year, everything changed.

I completed EMDR therapy. I found a combination of medication that works. And I heard from my son.

Whether it was one or the other, or a combination of all, this year I got better.

I made the decision that I no longer wanted to be sad, then I worked. And it worked.

Today, on the seventh anniversary of my sweet Milo’s death, I left my bed. I showered and dressed in nice clothes. I even curled my hair.

I am able to do that because I asked my sweet angel for help. And this is what I heard.

He chose me because his brother needed a mom. I was chosen to be his mom. Because he needed me. And I needed him.

I don’t have to miss you.

That drop of the gut I used to have when you popped in my mind?

That has turned to butterflies.

Because I have you. You have me.

I can’t hold you or hear your voice. But I haven’t lost you. You made me what I am—and only you could have made such a perfect example.

So, I need to be great. I want to be great for you. I want to be great for your brother. But most importantly, I want to be great for me. I was chosen to be their mother because I was the best choice.

Maybe it’s bigger than me. Maybe even bigger than Milo. But what we have is a soul connection. That will never leave. He is mine. I am his. And no one can take that away. No one. Not even me.

I need to tap into my heart. And be great. Because I already am.

2 thoughts on “On This Day

  1. heatherpuerto says:

    I admire you every single day. Even though you are my “little sis” I look up to you and admire you, so much. I am so happy for you and proud of you for putting in the very hard work, and I am so glad to see you in a happier place. You are the best for your Angel in Heaven, your Angel on Earth. You are the best for all of us. Love you more than you know.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s