I couldn’t make this up

I’ve been having some crazy dreams and visions the last couple weeks, and since I recently finished Monica Ten-Kate’s ‘Messages from Above,’ I’ve been trying to tune in to signs from spirit. I want to tell this story, but there are so many pieces, I’m going to try to share it chronologically. Apologies for run-on … Continue reading I couldn’t make this up

So much to learn

I was in a situation recently and my family was all together respectively discussing some controversial issues about the state of the world. My niece, who is 16 and incredibly driven, extremely smart, and outwardly confident, offered some opinions. At one point I looked at her and said, ‘You’re 16. You don’t know anything yet.’ … Continue reading So much to learn

The madness of this pandemic

I hit a low today. And those who know me, and have known me for years, understand that my lows are really low. It’s not an ‘I need to cry it out in my bedroom’ kind of low. It’s an ‘I need to find the closest and highest bridge’ kind of low. Even before I … Continue reading The madness of this pandemic

My only child

My son is an only child. He has a brother in Heaven who he never met. Today, after spending the morning with Grammy and Grampy, he insisted on playing ‘the floor is lava’ in our basement. We gathered yoga mats and pillows, the dog bed, a blanket, and a stool. We had to stand on … Continue reading My only child

The stuff inside wants out

I had a terrifying moment about a week ago. Technically, nothing happened. But I was more scared, more emotional, and more sure that something had, that I damn near lost my mind. I’m an emotional person. I cry when I feel sad. I yell if I’m really angry or passionate. And I bite my tongue, … Continue reading The stuff inside wants out

Answering tough questions

My sweet son, just out of the bath, hooded towel over his head, his arms wrapped tightly to his body, paused. “Mommy?” He asked as he turned the doorknob of his bedroom. “Can anything come back from Heaven?” He asked inquisitively. I looked at him for a split second, panicked and replied, “No, honey.” “Not … Continue reading Answering tough questions

I wait for night

Every day feels the same. Sometimes the sun is shining, but lately, we see it infrequently. We wake to no alarm. Sometimes we shower in the morning, sometimes at night. We eat every meal at home. We only have one another for company. We argue over school work, cleaning up, almost everything. We're irritated with … Continue reading I wait for night

Funeral for a child

Have you ever pictured your child's funeral? Of course not. No one--no one--wants to think about their child dying. For almost five years, when I referred to our three-year-old son's funeral, I said 'service.' I could not bear to admit that we planned, attended, and welcomed friends and family to gather because my son had … Continue reading Funeral for a child

Taking a breath

We are living in a scary world, an uncertain time, an unbelievable crisis. We are doing our best to model behavior for our children. We are attempting to stay sane while waking each day to unanswered questions and a rising threat. I've spoken with friends about how they are handling working, teaching, parenting, marriage, and … Continue reading Taking a breath

My fear

In this current environment, with an under-researched threat of disease, an ill-prepared government, and an unknown global impact, I can't help thinking about death itself. Truly, during the year of 2015 with a series of very tragic family losses, including my son's, I viewed death in a very new way. I started to embrace the … Continue reading My fear