Mourners talk about the waves of grief. I’ve experienced it. It’s unpredictable. It’s rough. But when it’s calm, it’s bliss. I’m on the top of the wave now, ready to roll softly and safely straight into shore. I got a visit from my baby yesterday. I couldn’t feel better. So, I’m riding it. I’m trying … Continue reading The Waves of Grief
As I begin documenting some key moments in my past that led me to seek the help I needed to heal, I want to be honest in the fact that I needed several different kinds of help. I was referred to EMDR therapy while simultaneously being diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder. I was depressed before … Continue reading Full disclosure
This video took place in late 2015 - they year we lost Milo. I began volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House Charities of Central Ohio in April. He had died in March. It could be said that I was a mess. Reality was not a place where I resided. I’d lost my very sick, only … Continue reading In the early months
For the first time in seven years of therapy, I was given homework. In our session today, my therapist said to me, “These concepts you’ve learned in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and by reading about co-dependence, will be committed to memory if you write about them.” I never … Continue reading My homework
I attended a celebration of life today. The man whose life we were celebrating was a man I never knew. I happen to be the daughter of the cousin of the wife who was mourning. Funerals and thank you notes…two nonnegotiable acts in my family. You express gratitude when someone gifts you, whether it’s with … Continue reading Celebrating Life
Today is the day we lost you. I’m choosing not to think of those last moments because they don’t serve me anymore. Instead, I’ll fall asleep with intention, knowing I will feel you in my dreams. I’ve worked very hard to be where I am. In years past, I haven’t left my bed on this … Continue reading On This Day
Hi, Baby, I took your brother to his new gymnastics class today. He’s learning how to walk the balance beam, climb the rope, and leap from up high into a pit of foam. It reminded me of the days I used to take you to physical therapy. You were so close to walking. You’d smile … Continue reading Crying at Gymnastics
As a mother, mourning the loss of her only-born son, I have accepted my right to be selfish. I don’t act this way all the time, and I don’t believe I am an exception to any rule. But I do believe in my right to take care of me, first and foremost. This has taken … Continue reading 100% selfish
I have walls that protect me inside my home. I have skin that protects the systems that keep my body operating. And I have boundaries to protect my heart from pain, hurt, and disappointment. I’ve gotten better at communicating my boundaries, and caring less about how others feel about them. I’m fragile. I lost my … Continue reading Loss and boundaries
After nearly six months, we are still in quarantine. We are working from home, going to school virtually, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I walked into a restaurant. We are isolated, and alone. But, I am never alone. My son, and my dog, and my husband, are always here. We are all, … Continue reading Space
Parenting Angels 