I have been obsessively Googling 'school shootings' since the deadly shooting at Saugus High School in Santa Clarita, California yesterday. The statistics are horrific, the fear of recurrence, even worse. As the mother of an angel in Heaven, and a school-aged son on Earth, I cannot comprehend the loss of any child victimized by gun … Continue reading Senseless crime taking children’s lives
Coming home today, even though she'd been too tired to get up and greet me for many months, I still expected to hear her, or see her, as I ascended the stairs. But, as I've learned from losses past, I had to remove the triggers. As soon as I arrived home from our last moments … Continue reading My sweet Lady
Does anybody understand the will to live after losing a child? I'm guessing, no, unless you're like me. It would be so much easier to let go. It would be heavenly, to say goodbye to Earth, just to be with my angel in Heaven. I would do anything, anything, to be with him again. My … Continue reading The will
I remember taking a class many years ago when our angel in Heaven was becoming a toddler. After ten months in the NICU following his birth, he was developmentally still an infant. When we were finally able to bring him home, he couldn't yet roll over, he certainly wasn't crawling, and we worked with OT … Continue reading Choices
I had the opportunity to go see the play Dear Evan Hansen last week with a friend. She has season tickets to our city theater and I had given her our season tickets for a football game, so it worked out well. The experience was a great trade for many reasons. I never go to … Continue reading Relatable themes
Dear friend, We haven't spoken since the day I saw you at my son's funeral. I lost him, and I lost you. I miss you both. While I have thought about reaching out since that day, I know that it's better I don't. I am not entirely sure what I would say, but I can … Continue reading Letter to an old friend
Just before my angel went to Heaven, I lost my aunt suddenly. She was in her late fifties, caring for an elderly woman as her full-time job, and had no history of any serious illness other than a gluten sensitivity. When she died, I was terribly sad. It was a huge loss for me, and … Continue reading Feeling death
Often on my drive home from work I have conversations with myself. Sometimes, I literally talk to myself out loud. Myself and I discuss they day's events, ponder the meaning of life, and compliment one another on the superb job we are doing at surviving. Other times, I speak, answering questions as if I am … Continue reading The parenting conundrum
Hi, Baby. Mommy hears you. -- Our youngest dog, age thirteen, passed away just before the Fourth of July. She was a warrior just like our angel. My angel on Earth said it best. ‘Mommy, my brother will have his puppy in Heaven.’ We were getting ready for our annual beach vacation. I had gathered … Continue reading A sweet send off
I beat myself up a lot for how I handle parenting. I am never good enough. My mothering needs so much improving. I still yell when I am frustrated. I know I shouldn't. I blame my child for acts that aren't truly his fault. I go to bed feeling badly that my five-year-old cannot yet … Continue reading After effects
