My sweet son, just out of the bath, hooded towel over his head, his arms wrapped tightly to his body, paused. “Mommy?” He asked as he turned the doorknob of his bedroom. “Can anything come back from Heaven?” He asked inquisitively. I looked at him for a split second, panicked and replied, “No, honey.” “Not … Continue reading Answering tough questions
Every day feels the same. Sometimes the sun is shining, but lately, we see it infrequently. We wake to no alarm. Sometimes we shower in the morning, sometimes at night. We eat every meal at home. We only have one another for company. We argue over school work, cleaning up, almost everything. We're irritated with … Continue reading I wait for night
Have you ever pictured your child's funeral? Of course not. No one--no one--wants to think about their child dying. For almost five years, when I referred to our three-year-old son's funeral, I said 'service.' I could not bear to admit that we planned, attended, and welcomed friends and family to gather because my son had … Continue reading Funeral for a child
We are living in a scary world, an uncertain time, an unbelievable crisis. We are doing our best to model behavior for our children. We are attempting to stay sane while waking each day to unanswered questions and a rising threat. I've spoken with friends about how they are handling working, teaching, parenting, marriage, and … Continue reading Taking a breath
In this current environment, with an under-researched threat of disease, an ill-prepared government, and an unknown global impact, I can't help thinking about death itself. Truly, during the year of 2015 with a series of very tragic family losses, including my son's, I viewed death in a very new way. I started to embrace the … Continue reading My fear
I have become my child’s best friend. I have become my husband’s true partner. And they have become mine. As a family, we are cooperating and really trying to just enjoy each other. Arguments have been paused and personality conflicts overlooked. My angel in Heaven has become the subject of my dreams and my resource … Continue reading The roles we play
You may laugh, you may cry, you may ignore this post. But I thought it was worth sharing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo7g3ehC-O0 May you all continue to live in hope and love. Even when you may not feel like it. Thanks to my Mom for sharing this with me.
This is usually the hardest week for me since losing our three-year-old son five years ago after a five-month battle with cancer. Last year, I took two weeks off work--hibernating and crying for most of that time--to let myself succumb to the grief and just feel the sadness. This year is different. Our world is … Continue reading Grief and the international crisis
I make a conscious effort to be happy, despite the fact my only born son is in Heaven. I made a promise when his body remained but his sweet soul found a new home, that I would remember just that. And a lot of the time, it is enough. I find beauty in this life … Continue reading The sadness still happens
I am blessed to have really good friends. Many of us have known each other since childhood, and we all had our children around the same time. There are a lot of similarities among us--how we parent, how we see the world, qualities we appreciate in our spouses. But there is one thing that separates … Continue reading Sameness in loss
