You turned eleven yesterday. We sang, had a cake, and talked about the day you were born. Even though you are forever three, a toddler, a sweet little man, I like to picture what you’d be like today. You would have been the greatest big brother. Your brother misses you. I know you never met … Continue reading Happy birthday, baby
My favorite event of the year—and technically the only event I attend, ever—is just four days away. The event, NC4K Reindeer Run, occurs annually on the second Saturday in December. This is my 8th year participating, and to date, my group, Team Happy, has a record number of members, 57 in all. This is a … Continue reading For Charity
Seven years ago today I was told to get to the children’s hospital with my son as soon as possible. The ultrasound he had earlier in the day had revealed there were lesions on his liver and a biopsy was necessary. That night, I would sleep on a faux leather futon next to my sweet … Continue reading Diagnosis
Mourners talk about the waves of grief. I’ve experienced it. It’s unpredictable. It’s rough. But when it’s calm, it’s bliss. I’m on the top of the wave now, ready to roll softly and safely straight into shore. I got a visit from my baby yesterday. I couldn’t feel better. So, I’m riding it. I’m trying … Continue reading The Waves of Grief
As I begin documenting some key moments in my past that led me to seek the help I needed to heal, I want to be honest in the fact that I needed several different kinds of help. I was referred to EMDR therapy while simultaneously being diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder. I was depressed before … Continue reading Full disclosure
This video took place in late 2015 - they year we lost Milo. I began volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House Charities of Central Ohio in April. He had died in March. It could be said that I was a mess. Reality was not a place where I resided. I’d lost my very sick, only … Continue reading In the early months
For the first time in seven years of therapy, I was given homework. In our session today, my therapist said to me, “These concepts you’ve learned in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and by reading about co-dependence, will be committed to memory if you write about them.” I never … Continue reading My homework
I attended a celebration of life today. The man whose life we were celebrating was a man I never knew. I happen to be the daughter of the cousin of the wife who was mourning. Funerals and thank you notes…two nonnegotiable acts in my family. You express gratitude when someone gifts you, whether it’s with … Continue reading Celebrating Life
Today is the day we lost you. I’m choosing not to think of those last moments because they don’t serve me anymore. Instead, I’ll fall asleep with intention, knowing I will feel you in my dreams. I’ve worked very hard to be where I am. In years past, I haven’t left my bed on this … Continue reading On This Day
Hi, Baby, I took your brother to his new gymnastics class today. He’s learning how to walk the balance beam, climb the rope, and leap from up high into a pit of foam. It reminded me of the days I used to take you to physical therapy. You were so close to walking. You’d smile … Continue reading Crying at Gymnastics
Parenting Angels 