For the first time in seven years of therapy, I was given homework.

In our session today, my therapist said to me, “These concepts you’ve learned in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and by reading about co-dependence, will be committed to memory if you write about them.”

I never should have told her about this blog. 🤣

She went on to explain that the more time you spend with concepts you’re trying to comprehend, the more clear they will become.

My grandma, who was also a writer, used to tell me something similar about vocabulary. She’d say, “use a word three times and it’s yours.”

I’ve been in consistent therapy since losing my son seven years ago. Recently, I completed EMDR because I could no longer live with the trauma of losing him.

It was so, so hard. Maybe harder than losing him, if that’s possible. I had to relive those moments—those moments where every medical intervention was used to try and save him—over, and over, and over.

But it helped. A lot. I can now think of that day and not melt into a puddle. But more than that, I believe that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I’ve never felt that way. Ever in my life. Not before I lost him, and certainly not after.

I believe that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be

In those months of therapy and in the days and nights that followed, I changed. I learned that, not only did I survive a parent’s worst nightmare, but I found a way to thrive.

I am a better me. And what anyone or everyone thinks about me is not my problem. I am proud of me. And I know my sweet Milo is proud of me.

To make sure I am accountable, which is imperative when recovering from anything, I am going to complete my assignment. Over the next weeks, months, or maybe even years, I am going to commit those lessons to memory by sharing my journey with you. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn a little something too. 💛👼🏻💛