He’s everywhere

I finally got my little angel on Earth back after his week-long trip with Daddy. They got home Friday afternoon and he was pretty much a mess of tears all evening. He was tired, and transitions are always tough for him, so early to bed it was. Saturday morning we woke up early and typically … Continue reading He’s everywhere

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The soul’s journey

I had a thought today and instantly felt more connected to my angel in Heaven. I was driving home from work and looked up in awe at an impending storm cloud approaching. Whenever I look to the sky, I think of Heaven and what my sweet baby is doing right in that moment. That enormous … Continue reading The soul’s journey

My husband

'Thank you for saving our son's life tonight,' I thought to myself. 'I'm sorry I couldn't save his brother.' I had wished I could say those words out loud to my husband tonight. In the quickest and swiftest of moments, as I leaned over to scoop food into the dog bowl, I looked up to … Continue reading My husband

I get it

In the midst of my painful week of grieving, I found someone with a similar story, but very different outcome. I read an article today about Michael Bublé and his 'comeback' to the music industry after his three-year-old son's battle with a liver cancer, hepatoblastoma. This is the same cancer my angel had. And he was also three … Continue reading I get it

Dreaming

I woke up this morning after a very vivid dream. My angel was just a baby, tucked into his car seat, covered with a blanket. I wrapped my body around the carrier, trying my hardest to keep him warm. But I couldn't. He was cold. So very cold. I woke up sweating, crying. I'd lost … Continue reading Dreaming

Explaining the word ‘dead’

I still never speak the work 'dead' about my angel in Heaven. He is in Heaven. He is not here on Earth. But I refuse to believe that he is gone. I know he is not. He is with me in spirit, riding on my heart, and in every one of my thoughts. My angel … Continue reading Explaining the word ‘dead’

Magical Christmas

This is the fourth Christmas we have celebrated with our angel in Heaven. It will be the third we are celebrating with our angel on Earth. It is the very first Christmas where we have a child who is cognizant of Santa, terribly excited for him to visit, planning what kind and where the cookies … Continue reading Magical Christmas

Time stops

Hi, Baby, It feels like it's been a while since I've written to you. I talk to you every day, and even though I can't always hear you, I know you are listening. Like on Thanksgiving, when we had both grandma's, both grandpa's, your aunt and your cousins. It was a dinner of all our … Continue reading Time stops

Labeling emotions

My little angel on Earth and I have been attending counseling to help with some behavior challenges. I am still not sure if they are his challenges, or mine, but I felt like we could use some help. So I took a recommendation from his preschool principal, and we have found someone that is helping … Continue reading Labeling emotions

My two miracles

It has been a tough two weeks. After my #metoo incident, I have had to do a lot of work to be ok. It makes me angry how much is has affected me, my relationships, my thought process, and my work. But I am getting through it and I know eventually, I will be fine. … Continue reading My two miracles