We did it. We survived another year with our angel in Heaven. Today, and there is a very good chance this could change tomorrow, or even in five minutes, but today I feel really good about starting a new year.
The past year has brought challenges, new opportunities, and difficulties. But in the fifth year of life without our sweet son here on Earth, we have learned, and grown, and we face those challenges with a whole new perspective.
I feel optimistic. We’ve had curveballs. There has been news that is saddening, and there are hurdles we need to navigate. But each and every time our little family is tested, we face it with courage and bravery, we come together in support of one another, and we tackle it. Together.
I couldn’t have confidently said that in the first few years after we lost our son. I couldn’t face anything. I could barely get myself out of bed, let alone support anyone else or be anything to anybody.
But I am so blessed, because of the people who forgave me for staying in bed. Those people who encouraged me to take one small step at a time. Those people who held my hand, and cried with me, and told me to do whatever felt good for my soul. And I started to heal.
And little by little, my confidence returned. I chose to work, and parent, and be a version of myself that I thought died with my son.
I have heard, ‘God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.’ I don’t believe it. No one can handle losing a child. But some of us have to. And I do believe that our path is chosen for a reason, and it is up to each of us how we choose to follow that path. We can cower and hide and feel victimized by the unfairness of our situation. Or we can persevere. We can appreciate the blessings and find the rainbow after the storm.
I am still, every day, trying to find my rainbow. But I’ve seen the colors. I’ve seen those bright, beautiful colors in my angel on Earth, in my beautiful family, in my amazing friends, and in the doors that continue to open.
That rainbow is out there, for everyone. You just have to look. And I believe that this decade will be full of beautiful rainbows.
Happy New Year!