The question

I have been in a lot of hospitals. Between my organ transplant and birthing a child at 24 weeks who was later diagnosed with cancer, we were admitted to hospitals many, many times There are always questions at registration. Whether you've been there several times and they have your entire medical history on the screen … Continue reading The question

My sweet Lady

Coming home today, even though she'd been too tired to get up and greet me for many months, I still expected to hear her, or see her, as I ascended the stairs. But, as I've learned from losses past, I had to remove the triggers. As soon as I arrived home from our last moments … Continue reading My sweet Lady

Choices

I remember taking a class many years ago when our angel in Heaven was becoming a toddler. After ten months in the NICU following his birth, he was developmentally still an infant. When we were finally able to bring him home, he couldn't yet roll over, he certainly wasn't crawling, and we worked with OT … Continue reading Choices

Feeling death

Just before my angel went to Heaven, I lost my aunt suddenly. She was in her late fifties, caring for an elderly woman as her full-time job, and had no history of any serious illness other than a gluten sensitivity. When she died, I was terribly sad. It was a huge loss for me, and … Continue reading Feeling death

The parenting conundrum

Often on my drive home from work I have conversations with myself. Sometimes, I literally talk to myself out loud. Myself and I discuss they day's events, ponder the meaning of life, and compliment one another on the superb job we are doing at surviving. Other times, I speak, answering questions as if I am … Continue reading The parenting conundrum

A sweet send off

Hi, Baby. Mommy hears you. -- Our youngest dog, age thirteen, passed away just before the Fourth of July. She was a warrior just like our angel. My angel on Earth said it best. ‘Mommy, my brother will have his puppy in Heaven.’ We were getting ready for our annual beach vacation. I had gathered … Continue reading A sweet send off

Mother’s Day

This particular day has been bittersweet since our beautiful angel went to Heaven. Especially the first, that landed just two months after we lost him. I was childless, but a mother no less. My girlfriends took the opportunity to make a really tough day special, and have continued to do so every one since. My … Continue reading Mother’s Day

The soul’s journey

I had a thought today and instantly felt more connected to my angel in Heaven. I was driving home from work and looked up in awe at an impending storm cloud approaching. Whenever I look to the sky, I think of Heaven and what my sweet baby is doing right in that moment. That enormous … Continue reading The soul’s journey

Changing for mamas

I have many strong beliefs. Since my angel went to Heaven, I have learned more about myself spiritually, physically, and emotionally, than I ever had in the past. I was a Division I college athlete. That taught me more about teamwork, and motivation, and pure grit, than anything I have experienced. I am a transplant … Continue reading Changing for mamas

Explaining the word ‘dead’

I still never speak the work 'dead' about my angel in Heaven. He is in Heaven. He is not here on Earth. But I refuse to believe that he is gone. I know he is not. He is with me in spirit, riding on my heart, and in every one of my thoughts. My angel … Continue reading Explaining the word ‘dead’