This video took place in late 2015 – they year we lost Milo.

I began volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House Charities of Central Ohio in April. He had died in March.

It could be said that I was a mess. Reality was not a place where I resided. I’d lost my very sick, only baby. I was unable to bear any more biological children. I lost only my child, my fertility, and all my dreams of motherhood. Nothing was the same.

But, I wrote a little story about my path to the House. And they posted it on their blog. And just a few months later, I was invited by the RMHC international committee to deliver opening remarks at their annual conference.

It had been five months since we’d said goodbye to our baby. And now I was being asked to represent all volunteers, families, and employees of Ronald McDonald House, to the leaders of their community.

I watch this now and I am immediately transported to 2015, in that moment. I remember the rehearsal, the makeup backstage, and the moment I walked into those lights.

I simultaneously float above myself and watch this woman—a stranger who is very far away—speak. She weeps for her child in front of 2,000 individuals from roughly 45 countries.

She’s raw. She’s emotional. She’s empathetic.

She’s me.