Appreciation

We just got back from our annual beach vacation. A vacation my husband's family has been taking for nearly four decades. A vacation that holds nostalgia of carefree childhood memories and stories I've now heard every summer for the twelve years I've been invited. A vacation we missed one year when our sweet angel spent … Continue reading Appreciation

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My rainbow baby

This term, defined in loss-parenting circles, as the child you conceive and deliver after pregnancy loss, still birth, or child loss. The 'rainbow babies' are our glimmer of hope, the reward for our trauma, the reason to keep trying and keep hoping. I was never going to have a rainbow baby. Soon after our son … Continue reading My rainbow baby

You’re always my story

I'm in California this week, working. My days are fueled with forced smiles, beautiful views, and empathetic nods. It's a good trip so far. But every time I have to talk about me, I always talk about you. My story, though simple to an outsider, is so incredibly complex, because of you. "I have an … Continue reading You’re always my story

Gotcha day

Today we celebrate the one year anniversary of our angel on Earth becoming our child, legally. Physically, he looks as if he could be our child biologically. Emotionally, he is bonded to us and we are bonded to him as if he has been our child since birth. Spiritually, I feel like he was our child … Continue reading Gotcha day

The only judge

I find myself getting caught in a trap of judgement. I read the news and everyone is taking sides on the current border crisis. I go to work and leave at the end of the day defeated, because there's no solution to the current state of affairs. I go to bed worried that my little … Continue reading The only judge

Why I’m #1

Child loss teaches invaluable lessons. Some seem obvious, like 'don't take anything for granted,' because you don't know how long you may have it. But there's an important lesson I continue to learn after caring for a terminally I'll child who I now parent in Heaven. And that is that I have to respect, admire, … Continue reading Why I’m #1

Sharing angels

I forwarded a little story with my coworkers over email today about some volunteer work my team did at the Ronald McDonald House a couple weeks ago. There were six of us who went and were able to clean six guest rooms in a couple hours. I shared with the other employees across the country … Continue reading Sharing angels

This is it

This article, originally posted on Still Standing, describes, so closely, so perfectly, how I feel, always. My girlfriend asked me just yesterday, as we packed up baby items to donate, if I wake up every day thinking of him. Yes, of course I do. And I fall asleep every night dreaming of him. My waking … Continue reading This is it

There comes a time

We did some major spring cleaning this past weekend. Our porch was filled Monday morning with four trash bags full of clothes and five boxes of toys labeled for the Vietnam Vets. It felt good to purge so many items that were taking up space and not being used. It got me thinking about some … Continue reading There comes a time

My village

We had a super fun, impromptu sleepover at a friend's house this past weekend. There were three of us girls, with our kids, who had gone over for a dinner get-together. We all decided, as time ticked by and the kids were still running full steam, that it was better just to put the kids … Continue reading My village