Learning how to win again: update

After writing yesterday’s piece, “Learning how to win again” I’ve done a lot of thinking. This is a pattern I have, and from speaking with others, countless sessions with a grief counselor and reading about grief, it seems it’s a fairly common pattern for those dealing with loss.

I started feeling guilty. I felt guilty for what I wrote, how I felt and that I shared those feelings. Yes, I’ve suffered great loss, and yes, that makes life hard. But I’ve never let my defeats or my challenges define me.

What I really wanted to express is that I do feel lost. Most of the time. But I am damn proud I gave 100% effort. And even though life seems to beat me down some days, and knock me over, and I question the reasons for getting out of bed and taking the next breath, I AM STILL A FIGHTER.

That will never change. And no matter what I do, whether it’s work or marriage or friendships or possibly parenting again someday – even though I lost, and lost greatly – I will always give 100% of my heart. Because any less is just not me.

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