Trust the journey

I hear this phrase every week from my grief counselor. I have learned to appreciate the words and follow the advice. But I have also determined that I have more control over the journey than I once thought.

There’s a process to grieving, and the stages have been researched and practiced and labeled and studied. But the truth is, everyone handles grief in the best way they know how, and the only way to survive it is do just that – survive. You either survive it or you become a victim of the grief itself. And I have chosen to survive it, and to not let the grief win.

So, I trust the journey. And along the journey, I have surrendered to the consequences of my loss. I have surrendered to a lifetime of emptiness in my soul and an ache in my heart that will never cease. I have accepted that I will forever encounter others who will never comprehend my emptiness and there will always be people who will be insensitive to my anguish. Because of my loss, those close to me, who love me and love my sweet angel, will always bear a burden on my soul. My loss is their loss, and my pain is their pain, and that will always hurt me, even if I can eventually accept that it is not my fault.

But I continue to trust the journey. Because this journey has shown me there is hope and I can live happy, even after the ultimate darkness. I will persevere and carve my way out of the deepest suffocation and learn to breathe again. I will take one step at a time, approach one day as if it is my last day, my only day, and treasure each and every moment of that day, and everything it has to offer.

And I will treasure myself. I will remind myself of the dedicated mother I was, and the friend that I am, and the woman I aim to be every single moment I spend here on Earth. Because of my journey, the path I have taken, and the challenges I have been given, I have proven my worth, and know I am worthy. I am worthy of a good life, a happy life, a treasured life.

And I will trust the journey. Because it is my journey. And I love it for what it is, what it will be, and what I make it.

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