Managing

I had the pleasure of talking briefly about my angel today to one of my doctors, who also happens to be a dear friend. I’d gone to see him after a week of suffering a terrible cough I was convinced had turned to fatal pneumonia. Turns out it was a virus with some bronchial irritation, and I will live, but I got to chat with him nonetheless, which I always enjoy,

He was telling me he had just made a slight faux pas with another patient who recently lost her husband. “I told her the sun will shine again.” With that he kind of giggled and we talked about the current cloudy day and simultaneous solar eclipse.

But it’s true, I told him. The sun will shine again. I believe I am proof of that.

Two years ago, all I could manage was my grief. After just months since losing my only son at age three, I was lost, broken, abandoned on an island where I thought no one would ever find me.

Today, I thought, leaving his office, my mind swims at the end of every day with all the tasks and responsibilities I somehow seem to manage. I am managing a high dollar account at my job as well as multiple employees. I manage a household and a marriage and (sometimes) a wild three-year-old. I’ve somehow managed to maintain some friendships with those who’ve continued to love me despite my flaws and faults and insanity. And I’m managing to survive. I am managing to survive this life without my beautiful baby. Because he is in Heaven, and I am his mama, and that keeps me going.

I am not perfect. I am mostly a mess. And I screw up multiple times every single day. But my wonderful, kind-hearted, well-meaning doctor was so right in his message to that grieving widow toady. The sun will shine again. We will all manage to get through whatever raging, violent, terrible storm decides to trash our doorstep. If we just have faith that we are stronger than that storm and our sweet departed angels are right there with us, safely keeping the wind and lightening at bay. We can all weather the storm and find our sunshine.

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2 thoughts on “Managing

  1. Vicki Pelfrey says:

    I really resent the comment your dr. made to the recently widowed pt. If that had been me, I might have decked him & said I will be finding a more compassionate dr. ! That is the most cruel thing he could have said……….I am a retired maternity nurse of 40 yrs. I would have been fired if I had said something like that to a family who had lost their newborn ! And I , too, am a widow…….I still might deck anyone who would make that comment to me and it has been 15 YEARS. Grieving is a very personal issue………

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    • Santana Grace Dalton says:

      You’re right…grieving is very personal. But I think we need to recognize the struggle of those around us who never know what to say to those of us suffering most. And the fact was, he was trying. He was trying to encourage, and he was trying to to be empathetic. He knew he made a misstep, as so many do when they encounter those of us in the darkest depths of grief. No one gets it until they are there. But I think it’s important we try to appreciate those that make the effort to offer support and understanding. Love to you and your sweet angels ❤

      Like

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