I woke up this morning after a very vivid dream. My angel was just a baby, tucked into his car seat, covered with a blanket.

I wrapped my body around the carrier, trying my hardest to keep him warm. But I couldn’t. He was cold. So very cold.

I woke up sweating, crying. I’d lost him all over again.

This week, four years ago, we were anticipating the phone call that would save his life. It came seven days later, on my birthday,

He received the donated organs he needed. But we still lost him.

Dreams like the one I had last night give me hope, and proof, that we are still connected. But I still have to wake up to the reality that he’s not here.

We toured a new school for our angel on Earth today. But after last night, it felt all day like something was missing. I should not only be enrolling a kindergarten student. I should have a son approaching second grade as well.

But I don’t. To others, I appear to be the mother of an only child.But I have two sons. But only one getting ready for next school year.

I want so much to enjoy these momentous occasions with my sweet little guy. But it always feels like something is missing.

6 thoughts on “Dreaming

  1. Vicki Pelfrey says:

    anything I could say wouldn’t be anything you hadn’t heard before……….so just accept my
    heartfelt hugs & tears…………..


  2. Elaine Leslie Sanchez says:

    I love you, brave, valiant, woman. You epitomize all that we celebrate today. Your heavenly angel and your earth angel are so fortunate to have you for a mommy.


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