I don't write to express political beliefs or comment on the state of our nation. I do it for me, to heal, to convince myself that I am ok, and that this wonderful life can continue even after tragedy. But this last month has been really tough. Tough for a lot of people in many … Continue reading With a little faith
In the last two months I've lost almost 15 pounds, but I feel heavier than I have in many years. The weight of responsibility in a world where I am now in control of my body, my emotions, my feelings, my little family, is absolutely, terrifyingly suffocating. The world that consumed me just months ago … Continue reading The weight of it
As a bereaved mother, the parent of an angel, I have an emotional reserve no bigger than a thimble. Yes, the amount of stress, duress, conflict, it takes to fill me up and tip me over could fit inside a cup no bigger than the tip of my finger. I have worked extremely hard to … Continue reading Emotional capacity
I had the pleasure of talking briefly about my angel today to one of my doctors, who also happens to be a dear friend. I'd gone to see him after a week of suffering a terrible cough I was convinced had turned to fatal pneumonia. Turns out it was a virus with some bronchial irritation, … Continue reading Managing
I wanted nothing. Because giving, helping, assisting someone with something, anything, feels so good in its own right.
It's no secret that I whole heartedly believe I receive messages from my angel. I read stories all the time of other mommies whose beautiful babies in Heaven send them signs and symbols only meant for them in times they truly need them. My girlfriend from work just came back from a stressful week of … Continue reading Messages
I'm having one of those days, baby, where the gravity of missing you is pulling me so far into myself that tears are about the only energy my body can muster. You feel so far away. It's days like today, when I start to worry about the kind of person I've become, the mother I … Continue reading The grief monster
Time heals. So they say. My heart will never truly heal from the loss of my only born son. But since his loss, I have gained. I have gained the love and admiration of friends and family for the way I have handled his loss. I doubt this, often, and I tell them so. But … Continue reading Big brother
I have been a bereaved mother for 2 years, 3 months, and 6 days. My sweet baby, my first, and only born son, has been in Heaven for 829 days. These days have been filled with a suffering and a longing I never knew existed, tears I never knew could fall so steady and streaming, … Continue reading Grieving gracefully
I remember very vividly about this time two years ago. My husband and I were sitting in our living room, watching some mindless evening television program, discussing our monotonous work days, and trying to be optimistic in our somewhat dismal existence. He looked up at the photo that hung over our entertainment center. The photo … Continue reading Happiness in strength
Parenting Angels 