Last year on trick-or-treat, I conveniently worked late. I knew only seven months after losing my sweet boy that I wouldn't be ready for the toddlers in costume, the wagons of little ones with tired legs, the chatting with neighbors, the sympathy. This time last year I was still so heartbroken. I was missing him … Continue reading Planning for triggers
Maybe it's this time of year. It was right about now, two years ago, when we first started on the five-month path of trying to cure you. But right now, with the leaves changing, and the pumpkins on the front porches, I just want so badly to remember the good times. Yes, we spent five months … Continue reading Open heart
Hello, friends, It's been longer than normal between my posts. I have plenty of excuses but I'll use the best one I've got. Sometimes, being mother to a child in Heaven is a full time job. Yes, I also have a new full time job. And a marriage. And a house. And a dear family … Continue reading You can
Every day I have to force myself to do something, take action, be better. Every moment of being a grieving mother, living without her only baby, is a concerted effort. But I continually try. I make myself take another step, inhale another breath, sleep another night, and wake another day, because I know it is … Continue reading I made myself
There aren't many certainties in grief. It's a constant fluctuation of unpredictable emotions, an incurable and constant battle, and an inexplicable, unexplainable state of insanity. But one certainty that I think most loss-moms can agree on, and that is the uncertainty. The uncertainty of when the highs and lows, the waves, and the swings, will … Continue reading Mercy
I was watching an interview with Rainn Wilson about SoulPancake and he asked Oprah some of his favorite questions. One was, "What do you miss about being five years old?" I thought of several things instantly, but I thought of the episode yesterday as I was driving through the carwash. Do you remember how fun it … Continue reading To be five again
This concept was brought to my attention by my sweet Tia who left a note on one of my recent posts. She said that my son, my beautiful angel, left us all better than he found us. What a wonderful way of viewing his short three years on this Earth. He was here just long enough … Continue reading Leave it better than you found it
My baby's loss, how much I miss him, how hard it is for me to continue without him, and how I feel each and every day is a testament to my love for him, but also a reflection of how selfish I have become in grief.
Today I am celebrating. I am celebrating today. We only get so many days. A limited amount. And so many of those days pass wasted. I don't want any more wasted days. So, from now on, I am going to celebrate each and every one. Yesterday I saw a rainbow on my way home. Right … Continue reading Celebrate
Hi, baby. I wanted to take a minute to thank you. For some reason, a reason I am sure you know, and one I will someday understand - when I write to you, when I talk to you, when I pray to you, when I dream of you - I know that you hear me, … Continue reading Gratefulness
Parenting Angels 