What I’d tell my younger self

 

I’ve heard a lot of people reference their younger years over the past couple weeks and say that if they only knew then what they know now, how differently they would have lived.

I also remember several people saying to me during some of my toughest days when my son was sick, or those first few weeks after we lost him, that they wish they could fast forward time for me. They wished I could have the gift of healing that only time itself can truly bring.

And I remember thinking, though I so appreciated the sentiment, ‘no!’ Please, if anything, push the pause button. Let me have this moment just a little bit longer. Yes, the pain is brutal, and the heartache is horrifying, but I want to feel it, because it’s keeping me connected to him, to my sanity, to my purpose, to motherhood.

Time is as ambiguous as faith and love. It’s fleeting and it’s precious. It’s limited and we never, ever know how much of it we will have with the ones we love.

So if I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be to treasure every second. Don’t ever fast forward and hit the pause button every chance you get.

 

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