In time

Twelve hour days, working lunches, deadlines, perfection. These are my concerns as I learn the complexities of a new profession.

Fevers, ER visits, chemotherapy, organ donors. Those were my concerns a year ago as my son battled liver cancer in his final weeks of life.

It’s amazing how my concerns have changed in just twelve months. A year ago, I thought I would now have a fragile but healthy four year old. Instead, I have an angel in Heaven and a job I would have only dreamed of in my twenties.

A year ago I had a car seat, stroller and diaper bag. Today I have a coffee cup, lunch tote and walking shoes.

Today I came home from work after three very long, intense days of thinking, collaborating, creating and revising. A year ago I spent my days feeding, medicating, cuddling and loving.

A year ago I was attempting to heal my son. Six months ago I was merely surviving his loss. Today I am productively living while grieving his absence. I can only hope that in time I will gratefully and gracefully accept his fate.

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