How is it possible I’ve lived without you for almost one year? I lived almost thirty-two years never even knowing the possibility of you and three years holding onto the hope that I would have you forever.

That hope is gone, replaced with faith and with patience I will hold you again. Some day. But not soon enough. Some day.

In these last few days I’ve done everything wrong. I’ve replayed your final days and hours. I’ve questioned the decisions, asked the “what ifs,” reversed time in my mind, and doubted everything. But it all ends the same. With you gone, me broken, and everyone else trying to pick up the pieces.

I won’t tell you I’m sorry anymore. I’ve told you over and over and I know that you know if I could change it, I would. If I could have fixed you, I would have. If I could have traded places with you, I would have. If I could have spared this pain for anyone who knew you, loves you, and continues to miss you and aches for you, I would. Because you are good. And we all just miss your goodness.

But your goodness carries on in all of us. A year later, your goodness carries on. Your goodness will always carry on.