Tomorrow marks my second Mother’s Day as a “loss mom.” A mother, mothering her baby in Heaven, not on Earth. A mother who is still a mother, but who has no child here to wake her in the morning, kiss her goodnight, or need her.
Mother’s Day is a reminder of all I have lost and all that I miss. But this weekend, I am going to celebrate the mothers in my life. The women who prove to me every day, that even though I am sad and missing my son, I have so many blessings.
To the the young women in my life who, even though you have yet to become mothers, somehow show an empathy and understanding far beyond your years and give me way more credit than I probably deserve. I will always be here for you, and someday, if you choose, you too will be incredible mothers.
To my beautiful friends and their amazing children – you will never truly know the inspiration you are to me every day. I know all too well how this loss, my loss, has affected each of you and your children. To explain the loss of a child to a child – it’s a conversation no parent, no friend, should ever have to endure. But you have all done it, and managed to keep my beautiful boy’s memory alive in your children; continuing to talk about him, talk to him, and dream of the wonderful things he is doing now that he is safe and happy in Heaven. Those memories in your kids will live on so much longer than all of us, and for that, I am truly grateful.
To my family of mothers who has shown strength and grace in the face of unimaginable heartbreak – my sister, who hides her own grief in order to let me express my own and shows what ‘putting your children first’ really means; my aunts who continue to remind me of my strength; my other ‘sister’ who may only be mine through marriage, but proves every day that women really can have it all. You all remind me that mothering is a gift. A gift I was so blessed to have and a title I will always carry.
And to my mothers, the grandmothers whose loss is exponential, but still remain my pillars of strength, my reason for being the mother I was and the woman I am. Thank you for giving me space and smothering me all at the same time.
Mom, without you, I would not be a mother, nor would I have been the mother I was so proud to be. I know sometimes this life feels like it’s not worth living. But I promise you it is. Because you’re in it, and I’m in it, and we’re in it together.
Happy Mother’s Day.