Missing my baby

Hi sweet angel.

I was remembering this day so vividly four years ago. It was unseasonably warm. I took you out in your new stroller.

Your little body was so weak, but we dressed you in play clothes and your adorable hat. And I have pictures of you sitting at the top of the slide grinning ear to ear.

You couldn’t climb the stairs or ladder. The summer before you had learned how. Your physical strength was gone. But you were still all smiles.

It’s warmer today too. And sunny. I was going to take that walk to the park. But I can’t seem to get myself to shower, or dress, or leave the couch.

You wouldn’t be proud of your mommy today. She’s kind of a mess. But I hope you know it’s only because the absence of you is just weighing extra heavily this past week. You’ve now been in Heaven longer than I had you on Earth.

And I’m mad. I’m really f’ing mad. I want you here to go to soccer practice with your brother tonight. Who am I kidding? I’m not even going to make it to soccer practice tonight.

So it’s just you and me, kid. Me, here with my tears, and you in my heart. I’m giving myself one more day to just be with you, the best way I know how. Tomorrow I’ll get back to reality. I promise.

I love you sweet angel. Every minute of every day.

3 thoughts on “Missing my baby

  1. Dad says:

    Mr. Nonsense knows his mommy is sad. But he also knows she is one of the strongest, most caring human beings ever. You were there every single minute for him. Now he is here for you. Remember his unforgettable smile. Feel his everlasting love.


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