I get it

In the midst of my painful week of grieving, I found someone with a similar story, but very different outcome.

I read an article today about Michael Bublé and his ‘comeback’ to the music industry after his three-year-old son’s battle with a liver cancer, hepatoblastoma.

This is the same cancer my angel had. And he was also three years old.

His son won his battle and is now healthy. But that fear never really goes away. It’s one sense of peace I find, in my hardest moments, that my baby is in Heaven. And I never have to worry about him again. But often times that is little solace in comparison to having him here on Earth with us.

He discusses how he and his wife put their careers on hold to care for their child. I can completely understand. All I did for the months my angel was sick, was care for him. He was my life.

And I think what might be hardest now, is that my life is so different from those days. I am still adjusting four years after his loss, to living without him. I try so hard to appreciate the gifts I have been given, and be proud of the choices I’ve made. I have chosen to go back to work. I have chosen to raise another child. I have chosen to be the best wife, friend, and daughter I can be.

But sometimes, in those empty moments, I find it so hard to be that person. I get stuck in those months of praying, waiting, caring, crying, and hoping for the best possible outcome for my son.

I wonder, if someone as talented and well-known as Michael Bublé, can bounce back to ‘reality’ after a similar battle. Yes, he still has his son. But he will always have fear. Is he able to move forward, one foot at a time, and continue on with his life as before?

From my experience, these trials change us, fundamentally. And he may grow creatively, and be more successful, and treasure the moments with his family even more than he ever did before.

But if he does struggle, I hope he knows, I get it. There are a lot of us, unfortunately, who do.

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