Five years, four jobs, three phones, two numbers, one sweet face has served as my 'wallpaper' and I see it every time my phone rings with a call, alarms to wake me, chimes with a new text or email. But today, a new kind of mom-guilt set in when I was talking to a coworker … Continue reading Changing wallpaper
Two years ago, tomorrow, I received a phone call that I had prayed would come for five terrifying months. It was a phone call that would change my life, my family, my entire being, more than I ever could have imagined. I remember every detail of the conversation, and I have replayed it in my … Continue reading Another year
I am the proud mother of a sweet angel in Heaven, taken from me two years ago at only three years old. I am the busy mother of a three-year-old angel on Earth, gifted to me from the Heavens through foster care. No one would know, just by looking at me. I am in constant … Continue reading No one would know
For everyone grieving, everyone struggling, everyone surviving, there's usually one thing that's harder to do than anything else. One time of day where you can't help but cry. One day of year when getting out of bed just isn't an option. One memory that will always bring that tightness to your tummy, and slowly close … Continue reading The hardest thing
I was looking at a recent picture of myself and realized how focused I was on that picture. The attention I was paying to my appearance. Noticing how I've aged in the months since I've become a grieving mother. My eyes are puffy, red, a little dark. I cry more now. My shoulders hang a … Continue reading I’m good on the inside
Last year on trick-or-treat, I conveniently worked late. I knew only seven months after losing my sweet boy that I wouldn't be ready for the toddlers in costume, the wagons of little ones with tired legs, the chatting with neighbors, the sympathy. This time last year I was still so heartbroken. I was missing him … Continue reading Planning for triggers
"Forgiveness is love in action." I'm writing this quote on my bathroom mirror, rereading it from the dog-eared page of the book I'm currently reading, James Van Praagh's Healing Grief, and doing my damndest to commit it to memory. Forgiveness. Love. In action. How can something so simple be so difficult to practice, maintain, sustain? … Continue reading Forgiveness
Maybe it's this time of year. It was right about now, two years ago, when we first started on the five-month path of trying to cure you. But right now, with the leaves changing, and the pumpkins on the front porches, I just want so badly to remember the good times. Yes, we spent five months … Continue reading Open heart
After eighteen months of tirelessly grieving, missing my baby, searching for answers and struggling to cope, one particular question has continued to plague me. A question that for most requires a yes or no answer. It's black and white. It's simple. It's not leading and it's usually asked in small talk conversations where new friends … Continue reading Answering the question
Hello, friends, It's been longer than normal between my posts. I have plenty of excuses but I'll use the best one I've got. Sometimes, being mother to a child in Heaven is a full time job. Yes, I also have a new full time job. And a marriage. And a house. And a dear family … Continue reading You can
Parenting Angels 