The roles we play

I have become my child’s best friend. I have become my husband’s true partner. And they have become mine. As a family, we are cooperating and really trying to just enjoy each other. Arguments have been paused and personality conflicts overlooked. My angel in Heaven has become the subject of my dreams and my resource … Continue reading The roles we play

Sameness in loss

I am blessed to have really good friends. Many of us have known each other since childhood, and we all had our children around the same time. There are a lot of similarities among us--how we parent, how we see the world, qualities we appreciate in our spouses. But there is one thing that separates … Continue reading Sameness in loss

On your eighth birthday

Hi, baby. It's your mommy here, wishing you a very happy birthday in Heaven. Tomorrow you will be eight, even though you stopped aging at three. In years past, we have celebrated the day you entered this world with floating lanterns, a cake, and blowing bubbles. As tomorrow approaches, we have planned to do none … Continue reading On your eighth birthday

Welcoming a new decade

We did it. We survived another year with our angel in Heaven. Today, and there is a very good chance this could change tomorrow, or even in five minutes, but today I feel really good about starting a new year. The past year has brought challenges, new opportunities, and difficulties. But in the fifth year … Continue reading Welcoming a new decade

Senseless crime taking children’s lives

I have been obsessively Googling 'school shootings' since the deadly shooting at Saugus High School in Santa Clarita, California yesterday. The statistics are horrific, the fear of recurrence, even worse. As the mother of an angel in Heaven, and a school-aged son on Earth, I cannot comprehend the loss of any child victimized by gun … Continue reading Senseless crime taking children’s lives

My sweet Lady

Coming home today, even though she'd been too tired to get up and greet me for many months, I still expected to hear her, or see her, as I ascended the stairs. But, as I've learned from losses past, I had to remove the triggers. As soon as I arrived home from our last moments … Continue reading My sweet Lady

The will

Does anybody understand the will to live after losing a child? I'm guessing, no, unless you're like me. It would be so much easier to let go. It would be heavenly, to say goodbye to Earth, just to be with my angel in Heaven. I would do anything, anything, to be with him again. My … Continue reading The will

Choices

I remember taking a class many years ago when our angel in Heaven was becoming a toddler. After ten months in the NICU following his birth, he was developmentally still an infant. When we were finally able to bring him home, he couldn't yet roll over, he certainly wasn't crawling, and we worked with OT … Continue reading Choices

Relatable themes

I had the opportunity to go see the play Dear Evan Hansen last week with a friend. She has season tickets to our city theater and I had given her our season tickets for a football game, so it worked out well. The experience was a great trade for many reasons. I never go to … Continue reading Relatable themes

Letter to an old friend

Dear friend, We haven't spoken since the day I saw you at my son's funeral. I lost him, and I lost you. I miss you both. While I have thought about reaching out since that day, I know that it's better I don't. I am not entirely sure what I would say, but I can … Continue reading Letter to an old friend