Time heals. So they say. My heart will never truly heal from the loss of my only born son. But since his loss, I have gained. I have gained the love and admiration of friends and family for the way I have handled his loss. I doubt this, often, and I tell them so. But … Continue reading Big brother
I have been a bereaved mother for 2 years, 3 months, and 6 days. My sweet baby, my first, and only born son, has been in Heaven for 829 days. These days have been filled with a suffering and a longing I never knew existed, tears I never knew could fall so steady and streaming, … Continue reading Grieving gracefully
I remember very vividly about this time two years ago. My husband and I were sitting in our living room, watching some mindless evening television program, discussing our monotonous work days, and trying to be optimistic in our somewhat dismal existence. He looked up at the photo that hung over our entertainment center. The photo … Continue reading Happiness in strength
You know those flashbacks you get from the photo sites? The ones that will sporadically email or alert you with a little message, "Flashback: Here's what you were doing last year on this date." Super fun. Maybe, for some. But for me, I keep getting them at inopportune times. And for some reason, they always … Continue reading A heart big enough
Today I got a flat tire on the freeway with my three-year-old in the back seat. Thankfully, my mom was with us, and we called AAA and patiently waited an hour for a nice man to come and put the spare on in mere minutes. Yes, we could have changed the tire. But, like I … Continue reading Always watching
History or legend, fact or fiction, there are millions of stories written in books, told through generations, shared through song, that help solidify beliefs in a higher being and an afterlife. I read or hear or watch people's journeys with faith, and to be honest, I often judge. Every person's belief system is their own, … Continue reading Call it what you want
I am a neurotic parent. I worry about everything. I take the phrase 'helicopter mom' to a whole new level. I am a psychotic, overbearing, strict, insane parent. How can I not be? I've been trying to figure out another way since the day I was blessed with my second child. He is a beautiful, … Continue reading How can I not be?
For a bereaved parent, loss is a suffering, a burden, a fact of life that will never change. Losing a child is an event that constantly haunts, nags, and weighs on the heart like no other ache in this world. But the loss itself is something that can be acknowledged, accepted, and even appreciated for … Continue reading Loss vs. longing
Five years, four jobs, three phones, two numbers, one sweet face has served as my 'wallpaper' and I see it every time my phone rings with a call, alarms to wake me, chimes with a new text or email. But today, a new kind of mom-guilt set in when I was talking to a coworker … Continue reading Changing wallpaper
Today, the day before your 'angelversary' we got a note in your little brother's preschool folder. Thursday, they are inviting all the little ones to come to school in their pajamas to raise awareness for childhood cancer. You may be in Heaven, sweet angel, but you're still here. Tomorrow, it will be two years since … Continue reading You’re still here
Parenting Angels 