Loss vs. longing

For a bereaved parent, loss is a suffering, a burden, a fact of life that will never change. Losing a child is an event that constantly haunts, nags, and weighs on the heart like no other ache in this world.

But the loss itself is something that can be acknowledged, accepted, and even appreciated for how it changes you, what it teaches you, and how it helps you grow.

But for me, it’s not the loss that gets me. I know in my heart that I will see my baby again someday, and in some way we will be together again. The loss, I can accept, it’s the longing that tears at my soul and crushes my heart.

The longing to feel him lay against me. The longing to hear that sweet voice. The longing that I will never know what he would have been like at five, or fifteen, or twenty-five. The longing to have him here, with me, to see that he is good and happy. The longing to understand why it was his purpose to touch my life in the most amazing way, then have to go away.

I long for a day where I find a way to appreciate this longing. The loss I will accept. The longing is what hurts the most because I know there is no way to fill that void and cure the ache inside my soul.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s