My angel in Heaven was special from the moment he entered this Earth. At one pound, one ounce, he would need levels of intervention reserved for the most extreme circumstances. I remember the pediatric resident, who was maybe fifteen, talking me through what 23 weeks gestation really meant when I was first hospitalized and ordered … Continue reading My special boys
As I'm writing this, I can see my angel on Earth, his sleepy eyes fading as his head lies at the foot of his bed. He peers through the tiny opening of his bedroom door. I put him to bed with his two books after a night with a babysitter because I had a PTA … Continue reading Security
I've written about my necklace before. It was a gift from my 'minions.' My girlfriends who cheered me through my son's chemotherapy. Who set up his service perfectly. Who cried with me. Who send me notes of how they, and their children, remember him, regularly. My girls, my squad, my people. I couldn't survive this … Continue reading Polishing the past
This term, defined in loss-parenting circles, as the child you conceive and deliver after pregnancy loss, still birth, or child loss. The 'rainbow babies' are our glimmer of hope, the reward for our trauma, the reason to keep trying and keep hoping. I was never going to have a rainbow baby. Soon after our son … Continue reading My rainbow baby
I'm in California this week, working. My days are fueled with forced smiles, beautiful views, and empathetic nods. It's a good trip so far. But every time I have to talk about me, I always talk about you. My story, though simple to an outsider, is so incredibly complex, because of you. "I have an … Continue reading You’re always my story
I find myself getting caught in a trap of judgement. I read the news and everyone is taking sides on the current border crisis. I go to work and leave at the end of the day defeated, because there's no solution to the current state of affairs. I go to bed worried that my little … Continue reading The only judge
Child loss teaches invaluable lessons. Some seem obvious, like 'don't take anything for granted,' because you don't know how long you may have it. But there's an important lesson I continue to learn after caring for a terminally I'll child who I now parent in Heaven. And that is that I have to respect, admire, … Continue reading Why I’m #1
I forwarded a little story with my coworkers over email today about some volunteer work my team did at the Ronald McDonald House a couple weeks ago. There were six of us who went and were able to clean six guest rooms in a couple hours. I shared with the other employees across the country … Continue reading Sharing angels
This article, originally posted on Still Standing, describes, so closely, so perfectly, how I feel, always. My girlfriend asked me just yesterday, as we packed up baby items to donate, if I wake up every day thinking of him. Yes, of course I do. And I fall asleep every night dreaming of him. My waking … Continue reading This is it
I stopped for a quick drink with a co-worker this afternoon at the end of a very long and stressful week. I had told myself multiple times throughout my forty plus hours that, if this doesn't matter 100 years from today, it doesn't matter now. We met at the local bar just a mile or … Continue reading Change of personality
Parenting Angels 