Loneliness and motherhood

I had a very memorable and beautiful Mother’s Day. And while there is always a sense of something missing, I felt truly celebrated and loved by both my husband and sweet angel on Earth.

My boys left this week for a visit with the grandparents. I felt guilty about how excited I was to have the entire house to myself and no one to clean up after for four whole days!

I had plans to veg on the couch, eat fast food and take long baths every evening.

Last night my parents, knowing I was alone for the week and would most likely eat gross fast food and not leave the couch, invited me to dinner.

The meal was amazing and for the first time in a while I got to have a conversation with my parents without hearing, ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy’ every other minute.

But honestly, that dinner was the only part of this week of freedom I have truly enjoyed.

The house is too quiet. I wanted to take a walk on this beautiful day, but felt incomplete going without my little man on his bike heading to the playground. I had no tiny human urging me out of bed each morning and no sweet kisses goodnight.

My angel called me this morning over FaceTime because he missed me. I saw that little face and heard those words and I felt exactly the same way. I miss him!

I love my independence. But I also love being a wife and mother. Not just the roles themselves. I love my family. And being here alone in my temporary bachelorette pad is lonely.

I love the chaos and conflict, the smothering and snuggling. There have been points where I have questioned my happiness, my lifestyle and my choices. But my little family is the best part of my life.

And I have not had fast food once this week.

2 thoughts on “Loneliness and motherhood

  1. janicedavisjmd says:

    My babies are parents now and I still miss the chaos, constant chatter, and the abundance of hugs and kisses. Enjoy these days when they are little, they go by so fast! “Love you to infinity.”

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s