I don't write to express political beliefs or comment on the state of our nation. I do it for me, to heal, to convince myself that I am ok, and that this wonderful life can continue even after tragedy. But this last month has been really tough. Tough for a lot of people in many … Continue reading With a little faith
It's no secret that I am a grieving mother, struggling every day to balance a busy life while remembering my sweet angel in Heaven. That struggle has been tougher this week as I've had longer, harder, busier days. My angel on earth has tested me a little more and is showing his independence in new … Continue reading A common theme
In the last two months I've lost almost 15 pounds, but I feel heavier than I have in many years. The weight of responsibility in a world where I am now in control of my body, my emotions, my feelings, my little family, is absolutely, terrifyingly suffocating. The world that consumed me just months ago … Continue reading The weight of it
As a bereaved mother, the parent of an angel, I have an emotional reserve no bigger than a thimble. Yes, the amount of stress, duress, conflict, it takes to fill me up and tip me over could fit inside a cup no bigger than the tip of my finger. I have worked extremely hard to … Continue reading Emotional capacity
I had the pleasure of talking briefly about my angel today to one of my doctors, who also happens to be a dear friend. I'd gone to see him after a week of suffering a terrible cough I was convinced had turned to fatal pneumonia. Turns out it was a virus with some bronchial irritation, … Continue reading Managing
Time heals. So they say. My heart will never truly heal from the loss of my only born son. But since his loss, I have gained. I have gained the love and admiration of friends and family for the way I have handled his loss. I doubt this, often, and I tell them so. But … Continue reading Big brother
History or legend, fact or fiction, there are millions of stories written in books, told through generations, shared through song, that help solidify beliefs in a higher being and an afterlife. I read or hear or watch people's journeys with faith, and to be honest, I often judge. Every person's belief system is their own, … Continue reading Call it what you want
I was remembering today all the times someone stopped me in the hospital, randomly on the street during walks, in the middle of the mall, and even on the beach. People, just wanting to stop, look, and admire my sweet angel. Sure, he was tiny and cute, and started wearing glasses at just ten months … Continue reading I was made for this
I am a neurotic parent. I worry about everything. I take the phrase 'helicopter mom' to a whole new level. I am a psychotic, overbearing, strict, insane parent. How can I not be? I've been trying to figure out another way since the day I was blessed with my second child. He is a beautiful, … Continue reading How can I not be?
For a bereaved parent, loss is a suffering, a burden, a fact of life that will never change. Losing a child is an event that constantly haunts, nags, and weighs on the heart like no other ache in this world. But the loss itself is something that can be acknowledged, accepted, and even appreciated for … Continue reading Loss vs. longing
Parenting Angels 