Tomorrow marks my second Mother's Day as a "loss mom." A mother, mothering her baby in Heaven, not on Earth. A mother who is still a mother, but who has no child here to wake her in the morning, kiss her goodnight, or need her. Mother's Day is a reminder of all I have lost … Continue reading The mothers in my life
Somehow, my sweet angel, you always know when I need you most. I would give my whole heart and everything it holds to have you here on Earth, but the ways you touch me from Heaven make living without you somehow survivable. Knowing that someday, somehow, if I keep believing, if I keep remembering, if … Continue reading When I need you most
'God is good.' The last time I heard this phrase uttered aloud directly to me, my son was dying. Today, as I sat in the emergency room of the hospital, where I was given a second chance at life almost ten years ago, I heard those words again. They were said to me by a … Continue reading ‘God is good’
Most life lessons I've learned have come from hardship and tragedy. It seems that's just how life works. And I certainly would not have the wisdom of forethought, the appreciation for goodness nor the ability to approach challenges with logic and reason had I not had those experiences. I've learned that life isn't fair. You … Continue reading Life lessons
How can happiness and hurt coexist in the same heart? Why, when the happy happens, does the hurt always manage to squeeze its way in and take up space? Will there ever be a time where I get to have a heart filled with happy and the hurt fades away? As a grieving mother, I … Continue reading Happiness and hurt
It takes too much energy to be angry. It's exhausting being sad all the time. I just wish I could live happy. It's not just a wish. It's a goal. I want to live happy. I try to achieve it every day. I strive for happiness by surrounding myself with positive, good-hearted, selfless people. I … Continue reading Live happy
Grief would not exist without love. For any of us to find a reason for our suffering, a purpose to surviving, a meaning to this life that so often seems to destroy us, we must realize there is hope in love. Without love, I never would have been a mother. Without love, I never would … Continue reading Without love
I have been selfish. In the last week, I have been so concentrated on controlling my temper, trying not to cry, distracting myself from the fact that the one year anniversary of losing my son is just days away, and replaying the last days I had with him. I have been coping. I stay quiet … Continue reading Small world
How is it possible I've lived without you for almost one year? I lived almost thirty-two years never even knowing the possibility of you and three years holding onto the hope that I would have you forever. That hope is gone, replaced with faith and with patience I will hold you again. Some day. But … Continue reading Carry on
I interrupt. It is a fault of mine and it has been pointed out to me. I do it when I am not understood. I speak out of turn and I interject thoughts before others are able to complete their own. I realize it is a quality that needs improvement and I realize it can … Continue reading Listen, breathe, respond
Parenting Angels 