For a bereaved parent, loss is a suffering, a burden, a fact of life that will never change. Losing a child is an event that constantly haunts, nags, and weighs on the heart like no other ache in this world. But the loss itself is something that can be acknowledged, accepted, and even appreciated for … Continue reading Loss vs. longing
Five years, four jobs, three phones, two numbers, one sweet face has served as my 'wallpaper' and I see it every time my phone rings with a call, alarms to wake me, chimes with a new text or email. But today, a new kind of mom-guilt set in when I was talking to a coworker … Continue reading Changing wallpaper
Today, the day before your 'angelversary' we got a note in your little brother's preschool folder. Thursday, they are inviting all the little ones to come to school in their pajamas to raise awareness for childhood cancer. You may be in Heaven, sweet angel, but you're still here. Tomorrow, it will be two years since … Continue reading You’re still here
Two years ago, tomorrow, I received a phone call that I had prayed would come for five terrifying months. It was a phone call that would change my life, my family, my entire being, more than I ever could have imagined. I remember every detail of the conversation, and I have replayed it in my … Continue reading Another year
I am the proud mother of a sweet angel in Heaven, taken from me two years ago at only three years old. I am the busy mother of a three-year-old angel on Earth, gifted to me from the Heavens through foster care. No one would know, just by looking at me. I am in constant … Continue reading No one would know
I remember vividly at my son's service, asking a fellow loss mom, "Does it get easier?" It had been less than a year since she'd lost her son, and here she was, trying to offer me what comfort she could. She said the only answer possible, "It gets different." It's true. There is never an … Continue reading It doesn’t get easier
I want to be the mama I was to you. I want to be loving, patient, sweet and kind. I want to love unconditionally, laugh in every moment, appreciate each test for the strength it teaches me, and know every moment, though sometimes tiresome or frustrating, is an absolute and beautiful blessing. Please, sweet angel, … Continue reading Help me
Hello, sweet angel. It's so hard to believe in just a few days you would be five years old. A big, healthy, five-year-old boy, thriving in preschool, choosing between soccer or tee ball, saying 'no' more than I'd want to hear, and figuring out just who you are going to be in this wonderful world. … Continue reading To my angel turning five
Holidays can be hard. Holidays are hard. This time of year is work. Juggling commitments, forcing cheer, being without my baby. The most wonderful time of the year can be the worst. Unless, you let the wonderful in. Take a deep breath, get a good lung-full of wintery air, and let the wonderful in. Yes, … Continue reading Let the wonderful in
I made someone cry today. I don't feel entirely responsible, and I don't have guilt about the situation, but I am feeling a little ashamed that words I spoke evoked such a negative reaction in another human. I've been thinking about it quite a bit since it occurred, replaying it in my mind, wondering if … Continue reading I caused tears
Parenting Angels 