I'm still here, right where you left me. Right where I've always been. Right where I'll always be. I know, you know. I imagine you playing, running, enjoying the sunshine, and playing ball. And blowing lots and lots of bubbles. Then every once in a while, or maybe more often than I realize, you hear … Continue reading Hi, baby
I used to say that guilt is a waste of energy. If you feel guilty, make a change. Apologize when you err, correct your wrongdoings, prevent them from happening again. If we are in control of how we feel, then there is no space for guilt to exist. If we try to be good, do … Continue reading The guilt
I hear those two words too often these days. "Don't be...sad." I'm a loss mom. I'm sad always. I will never hold my baby in my arms again and the only relief I have from that grief is the belief we will someday be together in Heaven. I will be sad. "Don't be...angry." Your energy … Continue reading Don’t be…
I remember being ten years old, standing, arms raised, left toe pointed in front of me, poised, confident, balanced. I would throw my arms upward, flip blindly backward, and land firmly on a four inch wide beam. Poised, confident, balanced. Lately, I feel like all I am doing is flipping blindly and falling hard. My … Continue reading Balancing
Somehow, my sweet angel, you always know when I need you most. I would give my whole heart and everything it holds to have you here on Earth, but the ways you touch me from Heaven make living without you somehow survivable. Knowing that someday, somehow, if I keep believing, if I keep remembering, if … Continue reading When I need you most
'God is good.' The last time I heard this phrase uttered aloud directly to me, my son was dying. Today, as I sat in the emergency room of the hospital, where I was given a second chance at life almost ten years ago, I heard those words again. They were said to me by a … Continue reading ‘God is good’
I got the opportunity to talk about my son today to a new friend who has only seen him in pictures. She asked about his story and how we lost him, then apologized for bringing up a 'sore subject.' I immediately asked her not to apologize and told her the subject of my son will … Continue reading This life
I have been selfish. In the last week, I have been so concentrated on controlling my temper, trying not to cry, distracting myself from the fact that the one year anniversary of losing my son is just days away, and replaying the last days I had with him. I have been coping. I stay quiet … Continue reading Small world
If I said aloud every thought that went through my head, I would be a very bad person. Today alone, I wanted to scream during almost every interaction I had with another human. I am angry and bitter, hurt and resentful. I tell myself not to judge others. It's not right and it's not fair. … Continue reading My inner monologue
How is it possible I've lived without you for almost one year? I lived almost thirty-two years never even knowing the possibility of you and three years holding onto the hope that I would have you forever. That hope is gone, replaced with faith and with patience I will hold you again. Some day. But … Continue reading Carry on
Parenting Angels 